Bootcamp was a good workout this morning (some mornings it leaves something to be desired, like last Friday when we played kickball...). And I lost 3.5 pounds this week, after an 8 pound loss last week, so clearly I'm kicking that 1.5 pound loss from three weeks ago in the ass. All in all, though I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, my morning was going pretty well. I got in my car, drove myself to work, parked...
And then the dark cloud descended. Every step I took from the parking lot to the office felt like the biggest effort. As I rode the elevator to my floor, every floor I passed made my heart sink a little more. And when I got off on my floor, I trudged to my desk, dragging my feet the whole way. I don't want to be here. I'd rather be literally anywhere else.
I've applied to a ridiculous number of jobs so far, with a list of at least 10 more to apply to today. I just have to keep plugging and I know something good will happen. Something good has to happen.
Something good did happen over the weekend. I've been doing the elliptical for an hour every day for the last month. On Saturday, I was feeling a little bored, so I got up on the treadmill next to my wife and I ran a mile. All at one time. No breaks. A whole mile! A slow (12 minute) mile, but a mile nonetheless! Then I took a walking break for a quarter of a mile, then I ran another half a mile! I repeated that until I'd run 2.5 miles. Then I thought I might die, but at least I'd die proud. I ran a whole mile!
And then I did it again yesterday. Yeah, I did. I feel awesome (emotionally, that is. Physically, my adductor muscles are killing me - I may have overdone it with the weights over the weekend).
So that's what I'm going to focus on. Work sucks donkey balls. I hate it so much, and every night I dread going to sleep because it means going to work the next day. But every day at the gym, I accomplish something I never thought I'd do four months ago, whether it's an hour on the elliptical, running a mile, making it through spinning class or just showing up consistently, day in and day out. And in the long run I know that it's this time I'm dedicating to the gym that's going to matter long after I've forgotten how miserable this job is.