Monday, April 23, 2012


I had my final pre-op appointment at my doctor's office today - all that's left is for me to do my labwork and then surgery.  But this appointment has me feeling kind of...  apprehensive?  Hesitant?  I'm not entirely certain, I just know that I left feeling pretty down.

I wasn't impressed by my doctor's office today.  I haven't been impressed by them the last couple of times that I've gone in.  A couple of weeks ago, the waiting room was "standing room only" because so many people were waiting for fills and they were running way behind.  That same day, after they took me back into a room, I waited for my doctor for 40 minutes - and he wasn't even the one doing fills.  I left worrying that when the time came for my fills, I'd be waiting for hours.  I left concerned about the accessibility of my doctor.  That was the first time that doubt really started to creep up on me.

Then today, my appointment was for pre-op nutrition and medication information.  This is the appointment that's usually scheduled for two weeks before surgery, but since I'm going to be on vacation next Monday (and they only do these appointments on Mondays), I had to have mine today.  What they didn't tell me when I scheduled it was that this was a group appointment.  While I suppose that I could have declined to discuss the details of my surgery, medication and diet in the group, I was so taken aback by the fact that it was a group appointment that the thought didn't even occur to me.  Why didn't they tell me beforehand that this was going to be a group appointment? 

And the RN who was running the group put together packets for everyone, except that most of the packets (including mine) were missing information.  So she had to keep leaving the room to make copies and helping us find the appropriate pages in our packets, because when they were there, they were inevitably out of order.  And while everyone else got a pre-surgery letter with the date and time of their surgery and their first scheduled fill, they didn't have my letter ready - it took them half an hour to get it together.

So I was not impressed by that.  I'm a very organized person, almost to the point of OCD.  I don't like information presented haphazardly.  I don't like feeling like certain information is behind withheld, which is kind of how I felt today.  And I don't love feeling like I'm inconveniencing the staff by asking to have my post-op appointment rescheduled to a day I don't have to work.

But the biggest disappointment of all today was the iBAND.  I was 95% certain that I was going to go ahead and have it.  There were a lot of advantages in my mind, and I was looking forward to getting that extra push.  And then I found out that because of where I have to have my surgery, I can't get the iBAND. 

And I'm...  pissed.  There's no other way to put it.  I'm pissed because I'm not having my surgery at the same place I had my EGD.  I'm told that it has to do with my insurance, but no one could help me understand why I could have my EGD there but not my surgery.  I'm pissed because I felt so much better about having surgery after my EGD - the RNs were so great when I had my EGD, and I felt reassured those were the people who would be taking care of me during and after my surgery.  I had a lot of anxiety before my EGD, just like I have a lot of anxiety about surgery, but I felt better having been to the facility and having experienced what I thought was world-class care.  And now I have to go back into an unknown situation to have surgery. 

And, honestly, I'm pissed that the iBAND was mentioned as a possibility.  Because I really got attached to the idea.  And now I feel a little bit let down. 

I'm still going to go through with the surgery, because I was going to do it before I knew that the iBAND was a possibility, and for me, it's 50% about the band and 50% about getting my hernia repaired, because I can't keep going with this kind of pain.  But I'm still disappointed.  And I didn't really want to associate my band surgery with disappointment.

Anyway.  Moving on. 

My two-week pre-surgery diet, in which I can have 3 protein drinks per day plus two cups of soup, starts on May 2nd.  Guess what starts on May 1st and goes until May 3rd?  An offsite team building program for my job.  It's so far offsite that they've gotten hotel rooms for us.  Which means that, while the entire team is eating breakfast, lunch and dinner together for 3 days in a remote hunting lodge (WTF), I'll be...  drinking shakes and trying to figure out where to microwave my soup.  *headdesk*


  1. I can certainly see why you left your appointment so disappointed. I am so sorry to hear that you have had to deal with so much. The surgery itself is enough to cause you to be on an emotional roller coaster...I can't even imagine having all that other stuff thrown in the mix. Big hugs to you!

    1. Thank you. I was just already suffering from lingering doubts about certain aspects of this, and now I feel like the doctor's office is piling on.