I'm putting off doing work, so I made a list instead...

So, my pool is broken.  Again.  Second time this summer.  This time, it's the skimmer line.  And my limited research on broken skimmer lines (because I know exactly jack about pools) indicates that this could be a (very) costly repair that involves ripping up the pool decking.  We'll have a pool company out to look later this week.

I am not looking forward to this.

In light of this, I have decided to make a list of things I *am* looking forward to in the coming months/years (in no particular order):

-  Once again wearing the ring that my wife bought for me several years ago.  It is a lovely square cut sapphire surrounded by diamonds, set in white gold.  It's beautiful.  It used to fit me, but it hasn't fit in about two years.  It has been sitting on the desk in the "craft room" (our third bedroom) since we moved.  I would like to wear it again soon.

-  Going to any amusement park without worrying about fitting on the rides.  I did very well on our trip to Disney in the spring (though I was freaking out and had a list of ride tips from allears.net on my phone and checked it before every single ride), but I know that Disney is way more accommodating than most.  As I've said before, the wife wants to go to Universal (we will probably be going at the end of January 2013), and I'm scared of fitting into their rides.  Also, the company picnic is at Six Flags in September, and though I should be firmly in the 240s or hopefully even the 230s (WOW!) by then, I'm still freaked out about it.  One day, I hope to not give things like this a second thought.

-  Fly without panicking about what seat I get.  I have a confession - on a trip in April, I couldn't get my seat belt buckled.  It was a small regional jet, and I was in the window seat, and I needed about two more inches of belt.  But I'd rather die than ask for a seat belt extender, so I threw a sweater over my lap (even though the plane was hella hot) and hoped that everything would turn out okay.  It was horrifying.  I fly all the time for work (I've been on almost 40 flights this year), and every time I panic that I'm not going to be able to buckle the belt or that I'll be stuck sitting in a middle seat and make everyone around me uncomfortable by overflowing into their seats.  The company travel agency booked me in a middle seat for the trip I took earlier this month, and I paid my own money to switch to a premium seat. 

-  Consistently shopping in regular stores.  Earlier this month, I needed new pants for the business trip I was about to take.  So I went to Lane Bryant.  I had no idea what size I was, just that my size 24 slacks were too big.  I took a size 22 and a size 20 into the dressing room.  The 20s were the closer ones to fitting appropriately, though they were still a little baggy.  They didn't have any (not a one!) size 18 pants in the store.  So I bought the size 20s.  They were $50.  On my way out, I walked past Old Navy (they're in the same strip mall). I thought to myself, "What the hell?" and I went in.  I found some nice slacks and I tried them on in a size 20.  They were loose.  I went out and got the 18s.  They fit perfectly.  I almost cried.  I can shop for pants in places where *normal* people shop for pants!  And they were $30!  Normal people store pants for $20 less than what I pay at the fat folks shop!  Holy smokes!  And I wore those pants proudly on my business trip.  I wore them with high freaking heels.  I felt like a million bucks.  I can only imagine what it will feel like when I can walk into most any shop and find my size.  I still need to lose quite a bit of weight in my boobies before I'll be able to buy regular sized tops/dresses, but I look forward to the day that I can.

-  Not worrying about breaking furniture.  I've broken a chair at a bar (that ranks up there with one of the most embarrassing moments of my life), two beds the night of my wedding (oh yeah) and my own bed at home.  One day, instead of cursing furniture manufacturers for their shoddy craftsmanship, I will just be able to sit in a chair or sleep in a bed without concern.

-  Similarly, not worrying about fitting into a restaurant booth.  I used to go into restaurants and evaluate if I was more likely to break a chair or not be able to fit into the booth.  I never found a booth I couldn't fit in, but when I was at my highest weight, it was getting to be a tight squeeze.

-  Looking at myself in the mirror/in photographs more.  I used to think, when I started looking at weight loss blogs, "Look how many bloggers like taking pictures of themselves.  And they post them!  That will never be me.  I'm never going to be comfortable enough to do that."  Hell, at my highest weight, I looked at myself once in the mirror in the morning to put on my makeup, and then I didn't look at myself again for the rest of the day.  I avoided looking in the mirror in bathrooms, looking at my reflection in shiny surfaces, and don't even make me take a photograph.  But now I find myself in the bathroom (and I find myself in the bathroom a LOT with the 100 oz. of water I drink a day) actually looking at myself in the mirror.  On purpose.  Today I think I started to see the shadow of a collarbone.  Looking in the mirror, I can see that I'm headed towards a place where I actively like my body, rather than just ignoring it and hoping it will go away.

-  Being more confident in public.  Not worrying that everyone is staring at the fatty.  Knowing that if they are staring, it's because I look *good*, rather than because I look like Andre the Giant.  I'm starting to get here - I know that confidence comes from within, but it does help to *feel* good, and losing 65 pounds so far has certainly helped me to feel good.

This post is like a novel, right?  To sum it all up, I'm looking forward to continuing on this journey, to seeing how far I can push my body and how far it will let me go.  I love the changes that have happened in the last three months, and I can't wait to see what happens next.